Say it loud, say it proud!

 How may of us hear people or have been asked, "how are the kids" or "how is the baby."  Come on! Do people forget the torture women have to go through? The sleepless nights, the breastfeding, the dramatic changes that the body had and still have to go through. There shouldnt be a day that passes without your mate asking,"how are you feeling" or "can i get you anything." I have a girl friend who is 5 months pregnant and i told both her doughter and her husband," If you get up for a cup of water ask your wife if she wants some." If you get up to get a snack then ask her if she wants one, and  if your hungry ask her if she is." I mean its really that simple! when men get sick or dont feel good then they want to be babied, and thats ok but women should get the same in return. I cant stand it when a man gets home from work and says he is tired when he gets to sleep at night, and gets to have lunch with the boys. Thats, nice! I wish i could leave my office and have my assistant take care of things while im gone.  I have this rule, if you dont take care of me then i wont take care of you. Boy does it work girls! He feels the pain the next morning with no breakfast, coffee, lunch or dinner.  With the hustle and bustle of the day sometimes men just need to be sto reminded or in my case told. ha,ha! Dont "beet around the bush" or hold it in,  let it out no matter how brutal. If your bored then say it, if he isnt giving you what you need then tell him.Oh! "but I shouldnt have to tell him" or sometimes women say,"thats just the way men are and you cant change them"   "Oh come on!"  First of all no one is trying to change anyone(well, at least im not) Second, then my man needs go in hidding. "Cuz i got it like that" And not always because he does it on his own but because i tell him what i want and the way i like it.
Anyways,  try to make a plan together like him taking the kids and giving you alone time once or twice a week, and it would be a good way for him to bond with the kids alone "without mommy there." Talk to friends or relatives and ask if once or twice a month you can leave the kinds to visit while you guys go watch a movie or have dinner, thats only two hours... Remember that you come first, your relationship second, and then the kids. Without mommy and daddy there is no family.  Like we always say im my home, "if mommy isnt happy no one is happy"

Ethnocentrism

I have grown up a christian all my life and i beleive in God, and even though i beleive there is only one God i consider my self to be culturally relitivistic.  There are two concepts: ethnocentrism and cultural relativism; Ethnocentrism is the view that one's culture's way of doing things is the right way. Cultural relativism is the attitude that other ways of doing things are different but equally valid, and try to understand the behavior in its cultrual context. The terms "emic" and "etic" refer to perspectives. Emic are the insiders' perspectives, natives' views of their own behavior. Etic perspective are those of outsiders. Theses are two different vantige points, and knowing both helps give a comlete picture.
.  Take the women in Africa for instance, they kill their newborns.  Now most people would take the ethnocentrism attitude that those people were sick and wrong but if they knew that these people were starving and chances are 100 percent that if a child is born to close to the first they will both die because the mother doesn't have enough milk to support them both, their attitudes might chance if they had a heart. Most people are ethnocenric and what i call just plain ignorant, and thats ok for some people  but if you are going to open your mouth do your research first people.   Most christian women i know keep pressuring me to get married because its a "Sin" to have children before marrige because this way is the "right way." Well, the women i know are either devorced or married to a man who emotionaly abuses them, and unsure of their own marrige, and  I cant say that anyone has or had a good or happy marrage. I have had to see a lot of women in my family go through a lot of heart ach in thier marrige, and it scares me and tought me a lot.
I understand, and respect  the cultrual context of it but if people were to listen to what i have to say and take a good hard look at theirselves then they might understand me. I honestly dont think anyone got married for the right reasons, and when i get married i want it to be. I dont need or want a man to complete me, or love me. I need to do those things for myself so that i can have a wonderful marrige. Yes! i will admit that i am afriad, and damn well i should be because marrige is a big word and commitment. I am going to take my time and i wish people would open thier minds and think outside of the box. People should strive to be more culturally relitivistic, and try to understand the situation and look at it from an etic perspective.  When i want edvice i will ask a respectful couple who have been married for a long time and have had a happy marrige like my fiance's brother and sister in law. Now they have the secret!

"My Husband"

 Growing up  with phisical, emotional and mental abuse, and seeing how the women in my family had to suffer due to their so called "men" I  promised to never "let myself" because even though the men are to blame for thair actions the women are at fault for alowing it.   Dom (my fiance) says,  "Fisrt time shame on you, second time shame on me," and he also says, "You take what you can handle"  Hello! That makes sense right? And this is coming from a man! I lost so much respect for my mother because she "let herself"  and we argued about it but thank God that we became so close before she passed.  Im just saying that she deserved so much better in life, and I wish she would have wanted the same for herself.  ladies! I am a strong, beautiful, powerfull women, I am a Queen and I demand to be treated like one. With that attitude i have a man who treats me like one and gives me flowers everyday.  Too bad he cant cook!. Ha,Ha!  Come on ladies! Dont be afraid to ask for what you want.  "Say it loud and say it proud!"
 Anyways,  look! if you have kids and they have to see, or hear any kind of abuse then think of what they might say when they grow up to be adults or better yet how will they turn out themselves? I  am far from perfect and i had to grow up being violent myself because of it, but ever since  Dom came into my life and i had children i have changed so much.  All i can do is move foward, and be "damn" proud of myself and my family.  I just wish my mother was here to see me, but she is in a far better place then she ever was here on earth. Women are so afraid to leave their husbands cuz they are afraid of what other people might think of them because of a "Faild marrige", and they feel that they are better or complete with having "A husband." If only they knew what people thought of them now,  and let me tell you that in any family everyone knows everyones buissness, so dont try to "Fake the funk." I had a conversation with a friend who was leaving her man who was no good to her. I told her that she better leave cuz if not then all shes doing is telling her daughter to take a good hard look at her future cuz thats what she will be putting up with. I also told her if she thinks people are talking about how bad he is she is wrong because imagine what they are saying about you.  I dont need a man to make me feel complete, or special, or wanted. I havn't gotten married to my fiance because of all have have seen my mother and the women in my family go through, and i never want to make that mistake, so i am going to take my time. I will eventually when im ready, but too bad my mom won't be here to see it.