Wedding blues?

  Planning this wedding has been the hardest thing i have ever had to do in my life.. The most emotional thing i have ever had to endure aside from loosing my mother to cancer. I never wanted to get married or have children because of the failed marriages i have seen in my life and the effects they had on their children.. I began to believe that it was normal and that would happen to me because "That's just what happens" and i rather not put my self or most importantly my children through that.. Everyone around me got married for all the wrong reasons, and i did not want to make that same mistake.  So, needless to say that planing this wedding has been such an emotional roller coaster for me.. One minute I'm exited and the next I'm crying! I began to think i was bipolar and asked my fiance to take me to a doctor.. Well, as he chuckled he explained that how i am feeling is normal..  

  When i had my fitting for my wedding dress i took my neighbor who i had just met a couple weeks ago, and as everyone in the store was staring at me and saying how beautiful i looked i began to cry... Some older ladies asked me why I'm crying and i said, "Do u see this girl sitting right here?" and they answered, "Yes! Is this your sister?" and i replied, "No, i just meet her a couple weeks ago, and she is the only person here with me"... They asked, "Where is your mother?" I replied,  "She passed away".. They understood my pain and where i was coming from.... To feel so alone and feel that there are people in your life who are not genuinely happy for you... The most important, and to be honest the only person who i wish was there is my mother..
I have struggled to get to this point to decide to marry.. I take marriage very seriously and its no joke! Its a big commitment and a life long dedication.. People don't take it as seriously as i do and some think its just a peace of paper, and for those people i say to you, " You got a lot of growing up to do and you shouldn't be married or think about it either". Call me in 10-20 years and then give me your opinion......
 I am so scared and nervous.. I have had multiple panic attacks, and i have been an emotional wreck crying all the time.. Now with the wedding being just a few weeks away i am nauseous all the time.. I'm so emotional that i don't know weather i want to cry or throw up!  Maybe both at the same time!  I told my fiance that he better have a medic near by because i just may pass out!".  He laughed so hard, but i was serious!!!! Well, maybe a paper bag to breath and throw up in!! Some people say i have the wedding blues.. That doesn't sound like a good thing to me! But i guess its normal when you take something like this so seriously..
Just the other day we were signing some papers and i began to get emotional because I'm no longer going to have that last name, and don't get me wrong because trust me when i say that i want no association with that last name... but never the less its a big change..... A good change!
My fiance wanted to have a big wedding with everyone there and all the bells and whistles.. I went along with it but its not what i wanted at all .. I wanted to get married on the beach with no one there.. Well,  maybe a hand full of our dearest friends, because all of that other stuff is just for show.. This is so serous to me that its not a "party" per say... People who never call, never visit, don't care enough to ask how we are doing or if we need help with the wedding? Why should those people be at the most important event in my life? It just doesn't make scenes to me at all.. Dom couldn't understand where i was coming from at first but after seeing how alone i have been in this process and much crying he began to see what i meant.. So, we compromised and changed the whole wedding plans we originally made, and now we will be having a small intimate wedding on the beach and at the church..  Why both the church and beach u might ask? Well, Dom feels its important to marry me in the house of God and he will not have it any other way..Don't know very many men who can say that!!  As for me, i have always dreamed of getting married on the beach... The ocean has always been a place of peace and therapy for me because of the hardship i have had to endure as a child.. I have always found a connection there with the waves, almost as if they were communicating back to me and claiming my heart and soul...
My mother Diana Barocio will be walking me in spirit...

Ambition with out the knowledge is like a boat on dirt.

Who can find a virtuous woman?

  Being a women and a mother in these days isn"t easy. There are lots of pressures of being a mother and wife, too many to count.  I have a lot of women who always comment on how i look everyday. I pride myself on how i look, and the effort i make for not only myself but my man. There is nothing wrong with taking time to make yourself look attractive.  There are so many things we can do to feel good "inside" like yoga, a day at the spa, volunteer work, or going to church.   I do my hair and make up everyday and i put something cute and casual on so i can feel good about myself, and so my man comes home to a beautiful woman. It feels un-natural to me to not have myself put together. I get that from my mother.  I remember watching her put her make up on everyday to look beautiful. she never left the house without it.

My girl friends always joke around and tell the story of the birth of my boys. When i was pregnant I would go to sleep with my makeup on and my hair done in case i went into labor in the middle of the night.  When i was in the hospital having contractions getting ready to have my baby i would pull out my mirror and touch up my make up or hair. While in soo much pain!! That's too funny now that i think about it! When Dom would be asleep beside me on the pull out bed the hospital provided i would wake up early, wash my face and put my make up on so i would look and feel beautiful when he woke up to see me and our new born. I did this throughout my pregnancy with both my boys. 

Its been proven that "when u look good u feel good" but I do know that no matter how beautiful a woman is on the outside she can be an ugly beast on the inside and sometimes there is no cure for that!

Anyway, why shouldn't we feel good about ourselves? Why shouldn't our men come home to a beautiful women. Well, i suppose you have to be at a certain stage in your relationship to even want to do that i suppose. If the "Honey moon stage" is gone and there are issues at hand then that's an other story. That's just not the case for me. A girl friend says to me the other day,  "He should love me anyway" or "He should love me just the way i am"....Oh! That makes me mad! How was it that u got him in the first place? U used to do ur makeup, where those cute outfits and try hard! That's what we do when we are trying to impress a guy but that shouldn't change at all. Why should we stop trying to impress our husbands...I promised myself that i would not change except for the better.

To each their own! This is me and how i want to live my life and I want to impress my man everyday. He deserves it! And he should try just as hard for me.

Proverbs31:10 says, "Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies."

1 Corinthians 7:4, NKJV says, "The wife not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And like wise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does."

You can take that for what that means for you...

I don't ever want to be that person who looks back and says to myself, "What happened to me?" or "What happened to us?"

So.....If your engaged please talk about these things before hand and your expectations, need and wants. 

 Dont be afraid of communication and hearing what he wants and expects from you...

Make Love not War!

Ignorance is bliss....

What is Ignorance?.....Definition: Lack of knowledge, information, or education; The state of being ignorant.
 It not so much a "bad' word some people just need to learn how to humble themselves and accept that they may not know what they are talking about in certain areas. When i talk to friends about certain topics such as religion, fashion, love, relationships, or parenting there are times when they can say to me, "I'm ignorant in that topic"... I usually say, "I prefer not to comment on politics or that religion because I'm ignorant in that area". I never make statements or judge when i don't know what the heck I'm talking about. If i don't know about something I educate my self so that i can understand the topic. I don't know much about certain religions and practices such as Scientology or devil worshipers so i went and educated myself. I'm not going to go off of what someone els has "told" me. Im not going to practice it, i just want to be fully educated and understand.  Someone has to have lots of confidence in themselves and faith in God to be able to do that.  That is where im going here...

I am a Christian and have been all my life but i also have been attending Catholic Church for some years now because my fiance is Catholic. I was never closed minded and never made any negative comments i just went in support of my fiance and still kept my faith. I wanted to become more educated in his faith to understand so i began to take RCIA class. I could see how "uneducated' people may have such mis-perceptions of the Catholic faith. At some gatherings I have had such people make negative comments towards the Catholic faith. I just feel so bad for them to be so ignorant and to be where they are in their faith.

It is so embarrassing when i am with someone who makes a comment about something they know nothing about. I begin saying to my self, "please stop talking, please stop talking!!"... Its sooo embarrassing!
One could say, "that's interesting" or "that different but interesting". Those are much better choice of words..Ask questions to educate yourself. When someone makes ignorant comments like that all i hear and see is insecurity... in yourself and in your faith.
  "If ur not asking questions ur not  learning".    Something doesn't mean the same thing for everyone, there isn't a "one size fits all". I don't let some one tell me what something means,  i take it for what i believe it means or what it means for me.
There is nothing more rude and ignorant for someone to make any kind of "negative comment" about anyone's religion or beliefs in anything. I was told at a young age that  Catholics worship Idols but  I come to find out that in no way do Catholics worship idols...They are not idols but saints who did the work of the Lord.
Catholics hold saints in esteem because they are such wonderful images or mirrors of Christ. Paul said several times exhorts his readers to be imitators of him. "Be imitators of me, as i am of Christ" (1 Cor 11:11 also Phil 3:17, 1 Cor 4:16) Devotion to the saints comes back to the theology of image: Christ is God's image, the saints are Christs image.

We can all find similarities and appreciate them if we truly had God in our hearts.
 I can appreciate the rules set for people who want to get married in the Catholic church. If more christian churches had such rules and invested time in preparing people then some marriages may still be together, stronger, and have God in their marriage today. I have seen the damaging effects of not having this first hand and still today in some marriages.

At this stage in my faith the awareness of God's inner presence leads me to be more aware that God also dwells in all others. As a result, one begins to see people of various creeds, races and nationalities as brothers and sisters. One 70 year old man says, " I have learned to have respect for anybody. I could sit down and talk to a Muslim or a Jew or an Arab or anyone, and if they start talking about religion in their way, I could really and completely fit my mind to theirs, see where their mind is going, and understand their ideas"....Wow! Sound like me, considering i did study Anthropology and medical anthropology. (for those who know what that is...) That is intelligence my friends...  Interfaith dialogue now becomes not a threat but an opportunity for new understanding. Recognition of the sisterhood and brotherhood of all people also intensifies one's commitment to the well-being of all humankind. A further degree of faith may be needed to get to this level.

Notes on Marcus Allen by Dominic Gonzalez

 Notes on Marcus Allen with the Orlando Raiders who spoke at a seminar I held. I'm always amazed, blessed and humbled by the famous and well known speakers I have at any seminar or workshops.
 This was one of the most inspirational thus far.

I was most impressed not with the football stories nor his size nor accomplishments, but more his genteel aura and how calmly he spoke to us.  Though I was obviously struck by his wisdom I had to write furiously because the points he made were simply an intrinsic part of his conversation…an integral part of his core being.  He did not require notes nor a power point presentation…his talk appeared effortless and not requiring thought- he’s mastered what he has to say so that the things he says are simply  part of his subconscious being- like breathing- he just ‘does it’.

 I’ve separated the notes into Big Picture themes and then into some sub-categories. 

Big Picture:

 “People who know, succeed”.  People who don’t know, don’t”

This is his belief that people who educate themselves and avail themselves of opportunity and work hard will be successful…and those who don’t, wont- it’s that simple.

 “I never looked farther than the dining room table for my role model”

His role model, fortunately, was his father.  But my takeaway was to interpret his statement to realize that success is not as far away as people think.  People simply need to be more honest about their efforts, and effort more, to succeed.

Marcus Allen on Planning/Dreaming/Visualizing the future:

“I was a visualizer from a very young age- I visualized winning the Heisman and winning the Super Bowl”

“I wrote my Heisman Trophy acceptance speech at age 11”

“It was no accident I became what I wanted to become”

“I was a kid who made a conscious decision which side of the TV I wanted to be on”  (Oh man I love this one!)

“You become what you expect to become”

“I touched the end zone before every game- I ran into it and ran around in it to help visualize scoring during the game”

Marcus Allen on avoiding the destructive traps of athletic fame and fortune

“I live my life in a way that honors my mother and father”

“Walk by faith, not by sight”

“I avoided drugs because my father built a briefcase with little shelf compartments in it and each compartment had a different drug in it and he showed us what they looked like, what they did and then he pointed out how they ruined people.  I wanted to be an athlete and his briefcase eliminated the curiosity”

“I’ve had maybe 8 drinks in my entire life”

Marcus Allen on “just doing it”:

“If you want something you gotta go get it” (from his dad, actually)

“I may have written my Heisman Trophy acceptance letter at age 11 and again at age 22 but I also put in the work”

“At USC we practiced so hard the games were easy”

“Hurt?  I got hurt all the time.  I never let it show and I always got right up”

“The Strong may wilt but the Strong always find a way”

Marcus favorite quote:

His favorite quote came from his favorite coach, Ray Willsey, who emphasized doing things like gaining yards instead of focusing on not getting tackled in the backfield.

“Make sure…instead of don’t”…

His point was many coaches said “don’t do this” so often the player was left with nothing to do- everything he was good at he was being told not to do.  Ray just tried to make sure you used what you were good at to “make sure the end result was positive- like gaining yards.

Marcus Allen on mastering his profession:

“I was a Quarterback playing running back…I knew every position on the field”

“I became an expert in my position.  My mind became so fast I saw things and my instinct took over”

“2342 yards was a result of brains” (alluding to him crushing the all time single-season college rushing record.)

“Vince Lombardi said:  “You’ve got to be in top physical condition.  Fatigue makes cowards of us all”.  “I wanted to be the best conditioned athlete on the field.” 

Marcus Allen on mentoring:

“There’s always somebody chasing your opportunity- guys all want playing time.  I balanced playing time with the need to give all my knowledge to my teammates- I loved winning so much that if a guy took my position from me I wanted him to have my knowledge because I wanted the team to win”

And here’s a reality check:

“Football is what we do, not who we are”

“I played because I loved the game and the benefits came”

“I played so people 150 years from now would remember my name"

From the man himself! Dominic Gonzalez

  Show me who you friends are and I will tell you who you are.
You have to want to aspire more for yourself.
You have to empower yourself to have an open mind that better things are out there for you.
You have to desire to want things for yourself. People who just pray only get dirty knees.
A lot of people rely to much on God little do they know that God helps those who help themselves.
 A man had garden from the ground up and one day a group of Church going people came across and commented on the glory of his garden, they said,"Glory to God to have blessed you with this garden" His response was, "Aman brother but you should have seen the garden when God was maintaining it all on his own". 
If you want to be a great gulf player would you hang out with the guys at a miniature gulf or would you hang out with tiger woods?
If you want to be a great basket ball player are you going to go play ball with the local home boys or Kobie Bryant?

Surround yourself with people who are family orientated and who will respect you and your family. A family man has no place in a bar or club.
Open your mouth and i will tell you how educated you are.
If your dieing to get out and not dieing to come home then you show where your priorities are.
People will become exactly what they are.
 If u think you can or if u think u cant either way you are correct.
People become what they think about all day long.
 If u decide to become the best mother possible all day every day you will become the best mother. If you think about your relationship all day you will have the best relationship. Diana would know since she thinks of these things all day. That is the difference  between people who know and the people who don't know. That is the definition of success! You become what you think about. Don't expect hand outs if u want something u have to go and make it happen for yourself. There is no such thing as "Luck". My definition of luck is preparedness, meeting, and opportunity. The prise will always go to whom is most prepared.

Thats my man!!

I am so fed up with all the "haters" why cant people be happy for other people? Well, i guess it is hard when you have it so bad.....I have a man that stands above all the rest and although he is not perfect he is in a leauge of his own. He loves me, and is only focused on his family. He doesnt worry about "haning with his boys" and if he does they are well respected, family men who dont drink, party or smoke. He believes that a family man has no place at a bar or club. He adors me, respects me, never bad mouths me, and doesnt believe in cursing.  He is the most humble man i know, and always stives to give us only the best. Although we fight a lot i can admmit that it is usually because of me. Yes, i have issues with trust because of my past with my father, and men in general but my man is here to stay and he isnt going anywere. So, get over it! People can try to examine my relationship all they damn well please since they are missareble in their own. He has always been ther for me, has never given up on me and continues to have my back like no one els. I have friends and strangers who say that that they wish they had a man like mine, and some even say that they look up to him or that i should clone him.

I have a meesage for "yall haters" If you dont have anything nice to say then dont say anyrhing if your not ready for me. Take a hard look  in the mirror because you are a hater and thats got to look ugly. My man says," no matter what, people are always going to have something to say, and we just have to be willing to exept that. Even though he lost his buiseness due to the ressecion  and is strugling to support us people still have negative things to say. He says," we are going to get everything back ten fold and we are going live a nice life and unfortunatly people are still going to have something to say then".

I am a stay at home mother and my man takes care of us( of course, right!) well,  some women or rather "haters" talk about how i should be more independant and not depend souly on "a man" Reality check! He is'nt juat "a man" (yes he is "a man" compared to most) but he is the father of our 2 children, we have been to gether 5 yrs. Hello! Stying home is a sacrifice women decided to take and i am so greaful for the oppertunity i have had. Staying home with my boys is going to effect them for the rest of their lives in the most positive way, and i am damn proud of it.